There. I did it. I did the most stupidest thing ever. Not that is stupid but very unaware of my surroundings.

Today was the first time we ever had a major fight together. After he confessed what he did, I confessed mine. (Well ,I thought saying the truth whould make things better) When he heard what I had to say, he was dissappointed and never want to trust me again.

I felt guilty of yesterday eventhough it was just a gathering. It wasn't suppose to be a gathering at first. It was suppose to be a spring cleaning the whole shop. Then I don't know for what reason. somebody told me the plan was changed last minute. Saying there are having supper at Changi and then head back home. THAT was the new plan. But knowin them, of course they would want to chill and hang around and talk. Yea.

We bought our food at the Changi wherever it is and then head down to Pasir ris park to eat. There we talked and joke. Then we went rounding.

Throughout the whole journey, I was feeling guilty for not telling me I was doing this and I was having so much fun with them at the same time. I checked my handphone every hour just in case he sent me a text or something.

I thought he didn't care about me at all the day before, until he told me he was expecting a call from me. And he got fed up waiting and went clubbing instead.

When he lectured me just now, I cried even before we talked about this. And the things he said really made me scared of losing him. And I was really touched when he hugged me and said "I don't want to lose you, you know that. And you do this to me." I know he was crying when he said that.

b, I know you care about me and you will be damn worried about me than my mum will. After tonight, I regret doing all those things without you knowing. I know you will say no use regreting about things that have already been done. Yea, but I am. I am so sorry to have hurt your feelings and I feel shitty that you don't trust me anymore. I dont't know whether you mean the things you say about you're not gonna care about whatever I did and I don't need to ever tell you when I'm going home all that. But I hope not.

Again, I am sorry for what I've done and I don't want to lose what we both had build together these past months. I am still crying right now thinking about what just happened. Now I know the space you occupy in heart is large that if you leave it, my heart will be empty...

{12:29 AM}